Friday, April 1

I can’t deceive myself out of the bare stark realization that no matter how 

enthusiastic you are, no matter how sure that character is fate, nothing is real, past or 

future, when you are alone in your room with the clock ticking loudly into the false 

cheerful brilliance of the electric light. And if you have no past or future, which, after 

all, is all that the present is made of, why then you may as well dispose of the empty 

shell of present and commit suicide.


Usually we walk around constantly believing ourselves. “I’m okay” we say. “I’m alright”. But 

sometimes the truth arrives on you and you can’t get it off. That’s when you realize that sometimes it

isn’t even an answer—it’s a question. Even now, I wonder how much of my life is convinced.


Because there was a hunger in me to see 

everything and do everything. I wanted to

 be everyone I saw. I wasn’t enough for me.

Sidney Sheldon

Sleep is good, death is better; but of course, the best 

thing would to have never been born at all. - Heinrich Heine

What is the reason? Soon the why and the reason are gone and all that matters is 

the feeling. This is the nature of the universe. We struggle against it, we fight to 

deny it; but it is of course a lie. Beneath our poised appearance we are completely 

out of control.


You can’t blame me. I mean that literally, you’re incapable of blaming me. You’re human. Being 

human is choosing freedom over imprisonment, autonomy over dependency, liberty over 

servitude. You can’t blame me because you know (you’ve always known) that an eternity with 

nothing to do but praise god sounds utterly unappealing. You’d be catatonic after an hour. 

Heaven’s a swiz because to get in you have to leave yourself outside. You can’t blame me because 

- and please do be honest with yourself this once - you’d have left, too.

I guess it's a comfort, perhaps a sense of self control, doing worse damage to yourself than the world will ever dare inflict
- Chuck Palahniuk