Tuesday, April 26

“Let’s face it: I’m scared, scared and frozen. First, I guess I’m afraid for myself…the old primitive urge for survival. It’s getting so I live every moment with terrible intensity. It all flowed over me with a screaming ache of pain…remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted. When you feel that this may be good-bye, the last time, it hits you harder.” -Sylvia Plath

If you suffer from depression, anything that makes you feel has to be the most important thing in your life, because it’s the only thing that can save you. 
— Siobhan Fahey

Where does discontent start? You are warm enough, but you shiver. You are fed, yet hunger gnaws you. You have been loved, but your yearning wanders in new fields. And to prod all these there’s time, the Bastard Time. 
— John Steinbeck 

It’s easy to cry when you realize that everyone you love will reject you or die. On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone will drop to zero. 
Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. 

There was something terribly wrong with her, all the way inside. She was like a big diamond with a dead spot in the middle 
— White Oleander

My life is empty. I walk around in circles because I refuse to stop and ask for directions because the directions may evolve into a conversation and the conversation may evolve into an invite. See, that’s what I am trying to avoid. Because the invitation reads coffeehouse table for two, we’ll sip on our French press and discuss current events, these current events being our lives, our childhood. Our loves, our losses and this is where it happens. Conversation turns into caring. This is where the relationship begins. We spend every waking hour together, you love me. And I you. And we paint. We paint the walls, paint the town, paint smiles on our faces. Somewhere along the way these smiles are going to fade, the vibrant paint is going to chip and we are going to being to fall apart. This is where the regret starts. We try and fix what is broken, we try to go back and see what went wrong but we can’t. We were happy, we had smiles on our faces, freshly painted walls, and memories…I refuse to meet you, I refuse to like you, I refuse to love you and I refuse to lose you.